I miss my wife.

I miss my wife terribly. When the cancer and all the contiguous complications finally took her - 10 months ago now - I had to and have to think about the emotions that have pulled at me. I can only say what I felt, and describe what I saw, and recollect what I heard. The Pope died today. I guess the mood of his passing 'triggered' the mood that grew from my wife's escaping pain. As a rehab professional, it's been a very profound lesson, processing what has happened.

She had worked for a hospice agency, and so when we found that the chemotherapy was yielding utterly diminished returns, her family and I agreed that she deserved compassionate support for her transition. Still, the frantic voices in my head - the 'squadron of simpletons' making up my brain - kept saying, CAN'T WE DO SOMETHING?!?! Hospice's philosophy helps us see, that death is unmistakably part of life. I became the kid on the news report who told the correspondent interviewing me after my home was destroyed, that I can't make this about me. I sat with her on her last Earthly night, and told her - do what feels right for you. She had speculated when her mother lived with us, and a hospice nurse was on duty....that my wife's Dad, gone a few years prior, had appeared and beckoned to his wife, "Come on! The coast is clear!". Ah, the circle of life. Two dissonant notes in a jazz chord, that mirror the bittersweetness of our life here.

Phlegm, ahem?

I had an ice cream treat today, but when I finished the fantastic cone of cool; - My spring exulting for the warmer clime Became a gaggy cry: some phlegm, ahem??... The hemming hawing hocking brought no Respite, fulla gooey bubbles was my windpipe, So do I damn that chocolate bit of heaven Because its lava now plugs up this hole?.... You know: there's not a spot, a spit, of data Showing that milky foods do clog you up, Such sticky sludge is what you feel, but really - It's being coated, not a blockage, nay! So if your Rocky Road makes a mudslide A sip of hot will help make debris glide!